This is a story that was well known on the news in July of 1998. You may remember the story. Gordons story...my story...

 

As I look back on precious memories today I think about how we need to realize how much we love those around us. How we are blessed to have them, and how we should appreciate them at all times and not take for granted what God has blessed us with. Today makes 20 years since my son Gordon was buried. I would like to share with you our story.

I was blessed with 4 children, there was Gordon first, then Dawn, Tyler, and Douglas, in that order. Gordon and Dawn were quite a bit older than Tyler and Douglas. Dawn had gone off to get married and had 2 sons of her own. Gordon had joined the Navy. He wanted to be a part of something that made a difference. He had been in the Navy I’d say about 3 years when he decided he wanted to become a Navy SEAL. I tried to talk him out of it but there was no changing his mind and so I had to support his decision and I did.

Tyler and Douglas were 11 and 10 so they were still at home.

Gordie had joined the SEAL Team and was still in a very vigorous training. One day we were getting ready to go on vacation when the phone rang, it was the Navy Commander, he was telling me there had been an accident. That Gordon was in a near drowning accident. He said we should come there because it looked pretty serious. Of course, with the faith I had at the time, I was sure this was a test, that our faith would save Gordie and he would rise up and be healed and that would be his testimony, how God delivered him from death. I was not worried at all. Well…

The Navy was very good to us. We arrived in Coronado CA, and they treated us like royalty. But when we got to the hospital my son was lifeless. He was just laying there his eyes bobbing up and down. They kept telling me that he was no longer in there but I did not believe it. God was going to raise him up. I had enough faith. I sat with him, talked to him just like always, But God didn’t raise him up. He died. I don’t know why, it was not a lack of faith. Some things we can’t possibly understand. That’s one of them.

Others were giving me advise on how to deal with it but nothing helped. As a matter of fact, it was uncomfortable for others to tell me how to live with this and then go tuck their little ones in bed. (Don’t give advice to others unless you have walked in their shoes and come out of it). Sometimes it’s better to just listen.

I guess I will never forget Gordie laying in that bed at the hospital, I was holding his hand when he left earth to join with Jesus and the angels in heaven. To this day I think he could hear me. I told him if Jesus is calling you, go with Him. If not that he should fight to stay with us. I told him we would all be okay, not to worry about us. It was soon after that he died. I could go into so much more detail but I won’t. No need at this point in time.

I wrote all this to say, it’s been 20 years today since I last laid eyes on my son. I miss him so much I feel like a huge piece of me is gone and it is. I was 17 when he was born and so we had an awesome relationship. I miss that. He was not just my son but my buddy. But reality is that I had a husband that was hurting also. I had 3 other children that I had to be there for and two grand-babies. Honestly, I don’t remember much during that time. We ended up going to Denver (that’s where we were from and where our family lives) to bury Gordie.

When Gordie died, I had to learn how to live again, without him. I didn’t know how. It was hard for me. I would go lock myself in the bathroom and listen to worship music and pray. My heart was broken. My daughter was broken as it had been just the 3 of us before my husband Doug and Tyler and Douglas came along. I was broken at the time so it was hard to be there for them. Although my husband was brokenhearted, he stood in the gap and made up for what I couldn’t do. I will never forget that. He is such a blessing in my life. Dawn moved away and took her two sons with her. It was too hard for her to be around us without Gordie. Let me tell you it was hard. I pressed into Jesus and didn’t let go.

The reason I’m telling my story is because I know there are some out there that are struggling to survive the loss of a child. You may have just lost one or maybe it’s been a while and you’re still struggling. Let me tell you the only way you can make it is if you have Jesus in your life. Something in your life to hold on to.

Right now, you may not believe it but there is hope. You may not want it yet but there is joy. There is life after the loss of a child. It’s hard work. Did I say it will never hurt? No, it will always hurt, but you can make it. The way I try and explain it is that if you would have to have your leg amputated. You would wear a prosthetic leg, others may not even be able to tell, but you will always know. All day long you can do what others with legs can do. Walk, run, jump. You look perfectly normal to others, but at night when it’s time to go to bed, you take off your leg, and there you are, part of you missing. That’s how I feel without Gordie, part of me is missing, that is something I’ll never forget. But… I have learned to walk and run, to have joy and peace. At first, I felt guilty when I would laugh, I’d think how can you laugh or feel joy when your son died. What kind of a mother are you… then Jesus would say, I have him, he’s better off than you are. You never know what God’s plan is. Others will never know how it is to lose a child. Unfortunately, it’s like a club no one wants to join. Only the ones who have gone through it understand it. There are so many things we go through that one would not think about. I have lost my memory, is that normal? Yes it is. I forget what I was doing right in the middle of doing it, is that normal? Yes it is. I can be doing good and then all of a sudden I am crying my eyes out, a smell, a touch, a song, can send me into tears, is that normal? Yes it is. We get through it the best we can, but in the end, Jesus will lift us up and heal our broken heart. If Jesus can lift me up, turn me around, give me peace and give me joy, he will do it for you! 

Maybe you are suffering from another kind of loss. Not necessarily loss of a child but a loved one just the same, it hurts and that is true, but Jesus can heal your broken heart, trust Him. 

Maybe you are going through a divorce or a move. Any kind of loss hurts and is very significant. Again I say be sure to reach out, you are not alone. 

If you can relate to this story or you need someone to talk to in the midst of your healing, please pm or email me with your contact information, I will be glad to call and listen or help in any way I can. God bless!

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The purpose of this ministry is to help others through the tuff times. So share, share, share!! 

If you have lost a child and are struggling in this area please call, I would love to help you through this time of need. 

Call 281-868-0537