By Treva Susuras

If you have a loved one suffering with life controlling issues, or if you have adult children at all, you know t​he pain of trying to warn them, or give them advice about what they are doing or about to do, problem is, they don’t listen. Ever try and talk sense to a loved one who is using, or drinking. Nope, not going to happen. How about an adult child, they have the audacity to want to live their own lives and make their own decisions. Good or bad they have that right. That was one of the hardest things for me to learn as I am a control freak when it come to my kids. I had to learn the hard way that they have a right to make their own mistakes and their own decisions. I can’t stop them but I can be there in case they need me. I can pray for them without ceasing. But what if they are drinking, out of control, doing drugs or any other life controlling issues? Makes us want to step in and let them know what they are doing is wrong and it needs to stop. That it will only lead them to destruction, and to having strongholds that are not easy to break. That they can fall into addiction or other before they even know it. I have done that. Stepped in and told them what they need to hear. That in so many cases can drive them far from you and far from Jesus. Thing is we all have to make our own decisions. Like it or not our part is to learn how to help them. How to understand our part is not to fight and argue with them. Or not to enable our loved ones either, or not to make excuses for them. Well he’s angry because… She gets high because… he drinks because…

Telling them to stop in most cases won’t help, won’t stop them. Do you really want to help them? There is one thing you can do, change you! Yep, you heard right, if you love them, change what you do with them (adult child, spouse, sibling, or parent. Basically, any one you love with life issues).

When they sober up do I tell them how horrible they are, what they did to me, how they acted, blab bla, bla… Take time to find out what you can do to help them not tear them down, chances are they already know they did wrong, they don’t need you to keep harping on it. Take time to find out if you need help and where to get it. Find a Christian support group and join that. Get active in church. I can help with you with a support group.

We all need to have 3 things in our life to succeed.

1.Love

•We need to feel like we are loved

Romans 8:39

2.Significance

•To know that our lives have meaning or purpose

Jeremiah 29:11 

3.Security

•To feel safe, accepted and have a place of belonging

Proverbs 14:26

If one of these things are missing in our loved one’s life, or our own life, it will cause us to try and find what we need in other things such as, perfectionism, outbursts of anger, living in fear, anxiety, and more. This then can lead to addiction and strongholds of many kinds, or unhealthy relationships can develop.

Remember, I say all of this to say, things are not hopeless, God is in control, there is help for you, changes can be made, I will be blogging more on this topic in the future. Please let me know if you need to talk or are in need of prayer. God Bless!