By Treva Susuras

Today I’d like to talk a little bit about grief. No one ever wants to talk about that because it is too painful. They are correct, it is painful but if we never fight our way through our grief we will get stuck in it and it can cause all kinds of problems in our lives. It can cause us to want to numb out so not to feel the pain.  We might begin to eat… comfort food… Yes, we can get addicted to food, sugar,  junk food… Also, we can begin to hide our emotion in other kinds of addiction like drugs, or alcohol, gaming, porn, and so on.

Grief can also bring on unhealthy habits or ideas, when we eat too much, we might be tempted to binge eat and throw up. That way no one knows, and we don’t gain weight. Could cause us to become cutters. The pain is so strong we need an outlet so we cut… there are many different things that can go wrong when we feel grief and we don’t deal with it. Remember, there is always a reaction to our actions.

Stay with me here, there is an answer at the end of the blog. 

When my son died, I felt so many things like guilt and shame, felt like I wasted the little bit of life he had with my actions. I was not saved and I drank, did drugs and really lots more that right now are not necessary to discuss. I am sure you get the picture.

The fact that I had Jesus in my life is what kept me going. It kept me sober. I buried myself in the things of God. Kept my eyes on Him and didn’t stop to look around. I remember after Gordy died if I would ever feel any kind of joy I would automatically stop and feel guilty. How could I feel good… after all my son was dead? I’m not trying to bring you down, just getting real for a minute.

Grief is not just for those who have lost a loved one. Sometimes it is the fact we have moved away from our family. Maybe we lost a job, a home, or maybe even a spouse. We could even be grieving the loss of a life we never got to have, or never got a childhood, lived in abusive home. The list goes on and on, but that is what causes us to feel hopeless, right? This blog is not about losing hope it about restoring hope.

When all seems lost, and we can’t see any way out, there is Jesus. He is waiting for us to come to Him. Romans 12: 2 in the Bible says” for us not to conform to the patterns of this world but to be transformed by the renewing of our mind. Now let me tell you, this is not an easy process, but it is a process. It takes time to change the patterns of our thoughts and emotions. We will not change in a day, but it’s an everyday effort. It gets easier after a while but remember the devil is roaming around like a roaring lion seeking to devour someone. (Peter 5:8) If we let him, he will eat us alive. But we don’t let him. How do we prevent his attacks you might ask? We focus on God the Healer not the pain were in. We will feel pain but it wont kill us and we will break through it and if we don’t give up. We don't need to get ourselves numbed out on pills or booze. 

Well let’s get back to the topic of grief. We deal with the losses we have had. We give them to Jesus and move on. This is also part of the process. I make it sound so easy right? No, it is not easy, it’s very painful from time to time. We can’t skip over grief, can’t go around grief, and we can’t go under it. We must go through it. No other way. We must find someone to help us get to the healing part of it. There are 5 stages of grief no matter what kind of grief you are dealing with. There’s denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and lastly acceptance.

Acceptance, ohhhh, that’s one of the hard ones. If we accept it that means it’s the end of hoping for a different outcome than the one we have. Accepting the fact my son was dead meant that he was really not coming back. That was something I found hard to accept. I kept thinking he was on a mission, (he was a Navy SEAL) and they made it look like he died but he really didn’t. So, I waited for him to come home. One day my husband said, "Treva, he is not coming home, don’t you remember we were with him when he died" Wow, reality hit me hard, I watched him die, I was there, crazy but for the first time I realized I had to learn to live without him. It was so hard but I did learn.

Did I get high? Nope, did I get drunk? Nope, did I do the only thing I could do, turn to Jesus with everything I had, rely on, cling to, and remain steadfast? Yep! That is what I did. I turned to Jesus, praised Him and kept my focus on Him. He led me back to life, back to the children and grandchildren I had that were still alive. They needed me. He let me back to my loving and supportive husband.

But it was a choice I made. I chose to turn to Jesus. He was my only hope. Now I have hope, I help others find hope when they are hopeless. Things will turn around no matter what your loss is if you will just turn to Jesus. I don’t mean oh ya, I believe, because it’s a way bigger deal to focus on Him. You have to find out who He is, accept His love and healing power. Create a relationship with him that nothing can destroy. We have to talk to Him, get to know Him in a personal way. It is just like any other relationship, if we don’t get to know Him how do we know what He expects from us as Christians? The Word says Christian means Christ like. Well if you don’t know Him or His word, how do you know what is Christ like?

I was reading in Job and after Job had lost his children, his lively hood and everything he owned, you know what he did? He bowed down and worshiped God. When my son died the only thing I could do was to worship God. That kept me close to Him and safe. I know I couldn’t do it alone or even with others, I needed God so desperately. And He was there all the way.

I know I talk a lot about the loss of my son, but I lost more than that. I lost my daughter to a grief that she to this day struggles with. She and my 2 grandsons moved out of state at that time and I was devastated, but I praised the Lord. I have had many losses in my life time but you see sometimes that worshiping the Lord is the only thing left to do. When you feel like all is lost, praise the Lord. I mean physically, sing, worship, give Him thanks for all He does and has done. Focus on Him and He will lift you out of the mess. Nothing on earth can set you free. Not booze, or drugs. Not food, perfectionism, or rage. Not cutting or binge eating. Not even a person you love can lift you out of pain and misery. The only hope we have is Jesus Christ. He is the only one that can set you free. Now that doesn’t mean you don’t need people because you do. But you need people that will lift you up and encourage you in Christ. That will counsel you with the word. If you are going through a tuff time and grieving, please reach out to us. We would love to help you. There are several ways to do that so let us know. You are not alone. Jesus is there and He loves you. God Bless